my heart is broken ~ zippo

It pains me to tell you all that my beloved Zippo passed away on Monday night, November 12th. My heart is breaking. I couldn't even write this blog post until now.

He had rapidly gone downhill since my last post, to the point where he was even refusing to eat baby food (chicken and turkey) or his favorites, tuna and pumpkin. He'd either just give a half-hearted lick or turn his head away. His nose also never stopped bleeding. On Monday when he was drinking a ton of water but then losing control of his urine and it was mostly water (which we found out was renal failure), we knew he was at the end and he was suffering.

I wanted Zippo's transition to be as peaceful and comfortable for him as possible, so we laid him on towels and blankets on the floor and I quickly Googled mobile vets who could come to our house to administer euthanasia. Unfortunately, because it was the last minute, no one could come out - they were all booked. A couple also wouldn't travel this far. We were starting to get panicky. We really didn't want to have to bundle him up when he was in so much pain and have to take him out of the house to an emergency vet and be put down in an unfamiliar place if we didn't have to. Finally, one vet called back and said she could be at our house between 8:30 - 9 PM.

Those four hours of waiting for the vet dragged on forever, but me, Brian and Tim spent those four hours lying on the floor with Zippo, petting him over and over and telling him how much we loved him and what a good boy he was, in-between our bouts of sobbing.

Tim later moved Zippo to mine and Brian's bed, thinking he could snuggle with him one last time, but that was fruitless. He was too sick. 

The mobile vet was so kind and compassionate and calm. She explained every step in great detail and always waited until we were ready. She let us take as much time as we wanted in-between every step, always stayed off to the side and never said anything as we cried and petted Zippo more and talked to him. She answered all our questions patiently. She encouraged us to let our other two cats, Monkey and Clementine, come and go as they wished. She said they needed to know what was going on, too. When Clementine jumped up on the bed after Zippo passed, she said to let her sniff Zippo...that cats know. And they mourn, too. 

After the vet gave Zippo the sedative, he ended up throwing up a little bit and there was blood in it. She said that was either from him swallowing so much blood from his bloody nose, or else that he had cancer. When we think about it, this whole Upper Respiratory thing that he had going on could've indeed been nasal or sinus cancer and not just a URI. We'll never know, so I'm only guessing.

I just happened to snag this shot of Zippo in the sunbeam on Tim's box spring this past Saturday, on the day Tim moved out. I thought it was very poignant that this was where Zippo decided to lie down that day.

Back to the mobile vets that administer euthanasia at home: I highly recommend this if you should ever be in this situation. For the pet and for you to be in your home in the pet's favorite, comfortable spot (you can even be in the yard, if you wish) instead of a scary, sterile exam room in the veterinary hospital is worth every penny. I was actually surprised how peaceful the whole process was, though of course, extremely heartbreaking.

We chose to bury Zippo in our back yard instead of having him cremated. Bless Brian's heart...he dug a very deep hole in the bitter cold that night.

(Brian and Zippo when he was a kitten ~ August 1999)

With Zippo being so old for a cat (19-1/2), I knew that my time with him was limited and that I'd be very sad when it was time for him to go, but I never knew how much it would hurt until it happened. I am not a stranger to the grief of pets passing away - it has happened to me numerous times since I was a child - but I have to say that Zippo was probably my favorite pet I've had in my entire life. He was definitely a one-of-a-kind cat; a true companion. He was one of those cats that loved everyone and vice-versa. He was a people cat. A snuggler. Like my aunt said, "He was the family cat."

(Tim and Phil with Zippo ~ Feb 2000)

My heart also breaks for Tim because he was the one who found Zippo (and his two brothers) on our property back in 1999. We kept Zippo and a friend took his two brothers. So Tim always had a special bond with Zippo and even up until the week Zippo got so sick, Tim would lay in his bed watching TV, with Zippo snuggled into the crook of his arm.

(Tim and Zippo ~ August 1999...and I also noticed when I saw this photo, that Tim's artwork was above his bed. He was only 8 years old. No surprise that he ended up majoring in Art and Photography!)

Since Zippo passed away just three days ago, we've already had four signs from...whatever or wherever you want to call it: The Universe, Zippo's spirit, God. I never used to be attuned to signs, but I now believe they're all around us. We just have to be open and aware to them:

• On the night that Brian was burying Zippo in the back yard, Venus was shining brightly in the sky right overhead. Venus was the Goddess of Love.
  (Sorry for the formatting problem on this bullet point - I've given up on trying to fix it.)

• The next morning, Brian was in the bathroom getting ready for work and as he was getting dressed, he had the very real sensation of a cat rubbing against his leg. He said it totally freaked him out. And no, it wasn't Monkey or Clementine. They were sleeping in their beds in the basement.

• Monkey slept in the blue wicker chair in the living room on Wednesday evening. That was the chair that Zippo slept on all the time. Monkey had never, ever slept in that chair - until now.

• This morning, my neighbor across the street texted me to tell me there was a pretty kitty in-between my house and my next door neighbor's house. She said to look out my kitchen window. I did so, and didn't see the cat, so I opened my kitchen door and stepped outside. It was then that I saw this cat that I had never seen here before. And it was standing right by Zippo's grave. I know this photo is blurry, but I had to zoom in to get the photo of the kitty so that I didn't scare it away.

RIP, my beautiful Zippo.

May 7, 1999 ~ November 12, 2018

friday zippo update

In my last post, I told you about Zippo being so ill. The day after he saw the emergency vet, I followed up with our regular vet who agreed that Zippo most likely had an upper respiratory infection. Even though the antibiotic that he's on won't help a virus (just like in humans), hopefully it will ward off a secondary bacterial infection. He also got a vitamin B12 shot and a Chinese herbal powder to sprinkle on his food to stop the nose bleed.

Interjection: we woke up to this nasty white stuff already this morning. And it is cold this evening. We're down to 13 degrees with the wind chill. It's way too early for this nasty winter-like weather.

Back to Zippo. I haven't seen much improvement. Every night I've been going to bed thinking I was going to wake up and find him dead. He's so congested and his nose keeps bleeding. I can't tell you how many towels and blankets I've washed, as well as having to wash Zippo's front legs and paws from the blood dripping. I read online that you can steam a cat's sinuses just like a human, where you boil a pot of water and then hold the kitty carefully over the steam with a towel over both your heads. I did that twice today and even though he got a little antsy after a few minutes, I think it did help. I'm also putting coconut oil on his raw nose to help it heal.

It's hard for Zippo to eat because he can't breathe when he eats. I heat up his food so he can smell it (cats won't eat food that they can't smell - it's a survival skill to avoid spoiled food or food that's been tampered with) and then I sit next to him with his bowl of food right underneath his nose and coax him to eat. I learned that when cats are sick and not eating enough of their food, you can give them turkey or chicken baby food. So I went to the store today and got a jar of each. I've been mixing some of it into his cat food. Believe it or not, Zippo even loves pureed canned pumpkin, so I've been giving him a spoon of that every day, too. And he's drinking water.

But. He's not out of the woods. Far from it. At his age (19-1/2), he could easily succumb to this URI. Or, if he gets worse, of course we will bring him in to the vet to have him put to sleep. I won't let him suffer.

Tim is moving out tomorrow (into his own apartment - sharing with a buddy), and I'm afraid that is really going to affect Zippo, too. Tim and Zippo are very close. Zippo sleeps on his bed every day. Now there will be no bed in Tim's room for Zippo to sleep on. I'm thinking maybe Tim can leave his comforter behind and take another one from our stash of extra blankets stored away in the basement.

Thank you all so much for your well wishes and prayers for my fur baby. I know a lot of you understand how much pets are a part of the family and how my heart is hurting. Blessings to all of you. Have a good weekend.

dreary weather and zippo

Here in northern Illinois, it has been dreary and rainy for days now. A lot of the trees are already bare. I took this shot out my front door this afternoon. No editing. It's really that dark and gray. And then with the time change, it's now dark at 4:30. I hate it. The evenings are sooo long. My body takes at least a week to get used to each time change. In this case, I'm still going to bed at the same time - between 11:00 - 11:30, but I've been waking up much earlier than I normally do.

I crave light and sunshine. I want to be working in the yard and hanging out on the patio. Guess I'll just have to live vicariously through those of you who live in the warm, sunny parts of the world.

 This past weekend, we went to a shop that had its Christmas Open House. I don't decorate for Christmas until after December 1st, but I was more interested in some of the antiques in this shop. Unfortunately, there weren't many. It was mostly cheaply made decorative items from China. No thanks. Brian did find an antique map of the Chicago railway system. It's already in a mat, so we just need to find a frame.

I'm very worried about Zippo. He's 19-1/2 now, so I know his days are numbered. He has hyperthyroidism and slight kidney disease, both of which are very common in older cats. He also has glaucoma and a cataract, but those conditions are actually doing really well under the care of a wonderful eye vet. However, a couple of weeks ago the eye vet discovered he now has high blood pressure, so he's on medication for that. Why he developed it, we don't know. It could be from the kidney disease. At the same time, I also noticed Zippo was drooling a lot from the right side of his mouth. The eye vet tried to look at his teeth and gums on that side of his mouth, but she couldn't really see anything. That's not her area of expertise, so she told us to take Zippo to his regular vet.

(Zippo in better days ~ March 2017 ~ my loyal companion after my knee surgery)

We had an appointment to see the regular vet (Dr. C) later this week, but in the meantime, Zippo is now sneezing a lot and is very congested in his head. Even worse, yesterday his left nostril started bleeding. I talked to Dr. C's office this morning and unfortunately, he wasn't in. They said it was up to me whether to take him to the emergency vet or wait to see Dr. C on Thursday. His nose bleeding was worse today, so I took him in to the emergency vet.

(Zippo snuggled up with Clementine a few nights ago.)

The emergency vet thinks it's an upper respiratory infection but is not 100% sure without putting him through tests - a scope and/or CT of his sinuses to see if he has a tumor. For now, they put Zippo on an antibiotic and I'm following up with Dr. C tomorrow. (I was able to get Zippo's appointment bumped up.) The emergency vet said his thinking is that if the antibiotic doesn't help, it's probably something else. And at his age, we'd have to think do we really want to put him through tests to find out what would most likely be bad news. (Of course not - especially since nothing could be done.) So then we'd have a very hard decision to make. This emergency vet did say it didn't appear like Zippo was in pain, so that made me feel a little better. He's also eating, drinking and using the cat box, so those are the other good things.

(Me and Zippo - 2017)

I'll know a little bit more tomorrow morning. I have a lot going on - including Tim moving out into his own apartment this weekend - but I hope to do a blog update on Friday. 💗

hello november

Hello moody skies and beautiful, changing trees ~

Hello filtered sunlight ~

Hello to the outline of the neighbor's maple tree ~

and to the red leaves that are now carpeting the ground ~

Hello vintage hand with the chipped nail polish that I found in a little shop ~

Always a hello to my kitties, especially when they're snuggly ~

(Zippo and Monkey)

I'm not quite ready to say hello to the holidays and Daylight Savings Time, though I know it's all coming...

What are you saying hello to this month?

wine and cheese party

Can you believe Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner? Funny how those holidays just seem to sneak up on us. So begins the season of entertaining.

I have a small house with an eat-in kitchen, not a separate dining room. However, my small kitchen table is the perfect place to have a few friends over for a wine and cheese party.

As a member of the Wayfair Homemaker program, I have been compensated for this post. All ideas and opinions are completely my own.

My entertaining style is casual, though I do prefer real plates, glasses and napkins over disposable items. These pretty cheese plates are originally from Crate and Barrel, but I found them at Goodwill a couple of years ago.

I start out with a good red wine. My current favorite is Hess Select Treo 2014. It's a northern California wine, soft on the tannins, so it's very smooth. If you're a red wine drinker, you've gotta give this one a try. 

I enjoy making a simple charcuterie board with a couple of different cheeses (in this case, I used an Australian extra sharp cheddar and a pepper jack cheese), uncured genoa salami slices, an olive tapenade served in a mini Le Creuset pumpkin cocotte, mixed nuts, and crackers. If you wanted to add a fruit element, apple slices, fresh grapes, or even some dried fruit would be lovely additions for a fall board.

Of course, having a beautiful board to set up your charcuterie goodies adds to the ambiance of your party. I chose this stoneware (80% marble) and wood board from Wayfair. They have many to choose from, depending on what material, size and shape you want.

Light the candles and your wine and cheese party is ready!

Are you ready for holiday entertaining? 

Do you keep it small and simple or do you entertain large crowds?

fall nesting

This has been a strange October for Illinois. First we had a ton of rain, and now it's just plain cold. We went from temps in the 80's straight to the 40's in 24 hours. No in-between. Me no-likey. I'm a warm weather, lots-of-sun person. I know many people love fall and are all like, "Yay, pumpkin spice lattes and hoodies and boots and scarves!" And then there's me..."Gimme my iced tea, t-shirts and bare feet!" I need to live in California. Don't get me wrong, I think the color change is beautiful and sometimes crisp, cool air feels good, but when October goes from summer to almost-winter overnight, I get a little cranky. Don't even talk to me about how early it gets dark now...and will only get worse with the time change.

Such is the time of nesting though, and the kitties are pros; snuggling together and always curled up in blankets. Or in Clementine's case, lying on the heater vent to keep warm.

And it's definitely comfort food weather. I do enjoy cooking more in the cooler weather. There's been chicken noodle soup with matzo balls (sorry, no recipe for this one. I make up a lot of my own soups and just go with the flow. Though I didn't make the matzo balls. Those were straight from the Jewish deli); roasted veggies (add some black beans for a complete meal - you can stuff this concoction in a pita or tortilla, if you wish);  Ragu Bolognese (this recipe is one where you need several hours...I didn't catch that in time and ended up having a late dinner...I also made my own modifications...didn't use veal {we don't eat veal}, added a little garlic and oregano, and used half and half instead of whole milk); and there's been a little baking thrown in, too. I picked the last of my rhubarb, bought a carton of strawberries, and came up with a crumble. I found a recipe for the filling that used pure maple syrup instead of processed sugar, but I made my own topping with oats, flour, a little brown sugar, butter, coconut oil, and cinnamon.

If you're looking for an easy, delicious chili recipe, give this one a try. We had it for dinner tonight and topped it with chopped onions and shredded cheddar cheese. It really hit the spot on a cold night.

Talk to you soon...in the meantime, stay warm and snuggly. 💗

the yin and yang of fall

 We've had just a few sunny days in-between a ton of gloomy, rainy ones. On one of those rare, sunny days we took a hike in the nearby State Park.

The one thing we forgot is that the mosquitoes have been extra bad this year. We have a contract service that sprays for mosquitoes around our property every three weeks, so it was easy to forget that they'd be in abundance in the park. We had to walk with our shirts up around our necks to avoid the blood suckers. Other people passing us had their hoodies up over their heads, though with the sun beating down, it was hot. We were a sweaty mess by the time we got back to our car.

 This might've been a better idea to keep the skeeters off our heads.

I'm not big into mums, but I do buy one big bunch every fall for my front porch. I think they look pretty in this galvanized tub. I just plopped the entire pot down in there; I didn't replant them in the tub.

This big summer pot of annuals is still somehow going strong on my porch, too. Must be the combination of morning sun and all the rain we've had.

Otherwise, this is what the patio side of the house looks like right now: a tad dismal. We haven't been able to keep the patio furniture cushions out because of all the rain. Will we ever get to use the patio again before it's too cold? 🙁 It's been buried in wet leaves, too. This was after I used the leaf blower to clear off the patio and the furniture.

As I do every fall, I've been taking photos of the neighbor's glorious maple tree. A few days ago when we had a little bit of sun, the colors of the sky and tree were absolute perfection.

The gray, gloomy mornings call for candlelight on the mantel...

And little touches of fall around the house...I added some fall cheer to the small china cabinet in my kitchen by putting scrapbook paper on the back of the middle shelf.

I needed a new pillow for the living room couch. A trip to HomeGoods yielded this beauty. A saleslady who saw me looking at this pillow said it was her favorite - and the last one left. I love the colors and textures.

And it's reversible!

Homemade soups are back in my cooking repertoire again. A simple vegetable soup with a sprinkle of fresh Parmesan cheese hits the spot on cool days.

It's rainy here (surprise, surprise), so we went to the movies today to see A Star is Born. It was phenomenal. I can't say enough good things about this movie. Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga blew me away. We were going to go to a fall fest tomorrow, but with all the rain, I'm sure it'll be cancelled. We need to do things like look for new eye glasses for Brian and check out washing machines and dishwashers (yes, we need both at once - ugh) at Home Depot.

Have a great weekend!