Thursday, November 15, 2018

my heart is broken ~ zippo

It pains me to tell you all that my beloved Zippo passed away on Monday night, November 12th. My heart is breaking. I couldn't even write this blog post until now.

He had rapidly gone downhill since my last post, to the point where he was even refusing to eat baby food (chicken and turkey) or his favorites, tuna and pumpkin. He'd either just give a half-hearted lick or turn his head away. His nose also never stopped bleeding. On Monday when he was drinking a ton of water but then losing control of his urine and it was mostly water (which we found out was renal failure), we knew he was at the end and he was suffering.


I wanted Zippo's transition to be as peaceful and comfortable for him as possible, so we laid him on towels and blankets on the floor and I quickly Googled mobile vets who could come to our house to administer euthanasia. Unfortunately, because it was the last minute, no one could come out - they were all booked. A couple also wouldn't travel this far. We were starting to get panicky. We really didn't want to have to bundle him up when he was in so much pain and have to take him out of the house to an emergency vet and be put down in an unfamiliar place if we didn't have to. Finally, one vet called back and said she could be at our house between 8:30 - 9 PM.


Those four hours of waiting for the vet dragged on forever, but me, Brian and Tim spent those four hours lying on the floor with Zippo, petting him over and over and telling him how much we loved him and what a good boy he was, in-between our bouts of sobbing.


Tim later moved Zippo to mine and Brian's bed, thinking he could snuggle with him one last time, but that was fruitless. He was too sick. 


The mobile vet was so kind and compassionate and calm. She explained every step in great detail and always waited until we were ready. She let us take as much time as we wanted in-between every step, always stayed off to the side and never said anything as we cried and petted Zippo more and talked to him. She answered all our questions patiently. She encouraged us to let our other two cats, Monkey and Clementine, come and go as they wished. She said they needed to know what was going on, too. When Clementine jumped up on the bed after Zippo passed, she said to let her sniff Zippo...that cats know. And they mourn, too. 


After the vet gave Zippo the sedative, he ended up throwing up a little bit and there was blood in it. She said that was either from him swallowing so much blood from his bloody nose, or else that he had cancer. When we think about it, this whole Upper Respiratory thing that he had going on could've indeed been nasal or sinus cancer and not just a URI. We'll never know, so I'm only guessing.


I just happened to snag this shot of Zippo in the sunbeam on Tim's box spring this past Saturday, on the day Tim moved out. I thought it was very poignant that this was where Zippo decided to lie down that day.


Back to the mobile vets that administer euthanasia at home: I highly recommend this if you should ever be in this situation. For the pet and for you to be in your home in the pet's favorite, comfortable spot (you can even be in the yard, if you wish) instead of a scary, sterile exam room in the veterinary hospital is worth every penny. I was actually surprised how peaceful the whole process was, though of course, extremely heartbreaking.

We chose to bury Zippo in our back yard instead of having him cremated. Bless Brian's heart...he dug a very deep hole in the bitter cold that night.



(Brian and Zippo when he was a kitten ~ August 1999)

With Zippo being so old for a cat (19-1/2), I knew that my time with him was limited and that I'd be very sad when it was time for him to go, but I never knew how much it would hurt until it happened. I am not a stranger to the grief of pets passing away - it has happened to me numerous times since I was a child - but I have to say that Zippo was probably my favorite pet I've had in my entire life. He was definitely a one-of-a-kind cat; a true companion. He was one of those cats that loved everyone and vice-versa. He was a people cat. A snuggler. Like my aunt said, "He was the family cat."



(Tim and Phil with Zippo ~ Feb 2000)

My heart also breaks for Tim because he was the one who found Zippo (and his two brothers) on our property back in 1999. We kept Zippo and a friend took his two brothers. So Tim always had a special bond with Zippo and even up until the week Zippo got so sick, Tim would lay in his bed watching TV, with Zippo snuggled into the crook of his arm.



(Tim and Zippo ~ August 1999...and I also noticed when I saw this photo, that Tim's artwork was above his bed. He was only 8 years old. No surprise that he ended up majoring in Art and Photography!)

Since Zippo passed away just three days ago, we've already had four signs from...whatever or wherever you want to call it: The Universe, Zippo's spirit, God. I never used to be attuned to signs, but I now believe they're all around us. We just have to be open and aware to them:

  • On the night that Brian was burying Zippo in the back yard, Venus was shining brightly in the sky right overhead. Venus was the Goddess of Love.
    (Sorry for the formatting problem on this bullet point - I've given up on trying to fix it.)
  • The next morning, Brian was in the bathroom getting ready for work and as he was getting dressed, he had the very real sensation of a cat rubbing against his leg. He said it totally freaked him out. And no, it wasn't Monkey or Clementine. They were sleeping in their beds in the basement.
  • Monkey slept in the blue wicker chair in the living room on Wednesday evening. That was the chair that Zippo slept on all the time. Monkey had never, ever slept in that chair - until now.
  • This morning, my neighbor across the street texted me to tell me there was a pretty kitty in-between my house and my next door neighbor's house. She said to look out my kitchen window. I did so, and didn't see the cat, so I opened my kitchen door and stepped outside. It was then that I saw this cat that I had never seen here before. And it was standing right by Zippo's grave. I know this photo is blurry, but I had to zoom in to get the photo of the kitty so that I didn't scare it away.


RIP, my beautiful Zippo.
May 7, 1999 ~ November 12, 2018


19 comments:

  1. Oh Melanie, I'm so sorry. I know that heartbreak. We lost our beloved kitty recently at the age of almost 20. What a blessing you were able to be at home, together, though. Sending you big hugs...

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  2. My heart is sad looking at all these lovely photos of sweet Zippo and your boys over the years. How lucky he was to be loved so much and to have a beautiful long life with you.
    Be brave - your wonderful memories of a true 'family cat' will see you through.
    Hugs - Mary

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  3. Sorry for the loss of your beloved Zippo. Losing a pet is hard. They certainly are family.

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  4. OMG I am crying right now. The loss of pets is just so hard because they can't tell us how they feel but they just KNOW how to comfort us. I will snuggle Buddy and Nibbles a little harder today. Sending you so much love. Give Monkey and Clementine extra cuddles from me.

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  5. Melanie what a beautiful tribute to your Zippo. I know the feeling of loss after any of our pets are gone but special one's linger. I felt Charlie for days after he had passed. I felt him jump up on my bed. I know his spirit was making sure I was OK. Zippo had a long and loving life. Grieve for him and know he is always in your heart. Hugs to all of you.

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  6. I am so sorry for your loss my friend. I felt such a hole in my heart when my der Max left us last year. I am sending you love and know that Zippo loves you all so much. You gave him the best life and the best way to transition to what comes next.

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  7. I am so sorry for the loss of this beloved animal. that cat hit the kitten lottery when it came to your house. Hugs

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  8. Melanie I am so sorry. I know your heart is breaking and you are missing Zippo. I hope in time you will be able to think of all the wonderful memories of Zippo in your life with a smile and not heart ache. He was a beautiful cat. Yep I believe too that if you listen carefully and stay aware of your grief and what is around you they will give you signs they are in a good place and at peace. Again so sorry.
    Hugs,
    Kris

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  9. my heart aches for you and for all those that have lost a much loved pet, a soul mate, a comforter and an unconditional love that they give us.
    RIP Zippo xxx

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  10. Oh Melanie, I'm so sorry. My heart is hurting for you and tears are flowing for your dear little Zippo. The pictures of him here are so sweet and heartbreaking. I know the nights and days since Monday have been terribly hard, dear friend. He was so loved by you all and that love will go on forever. We have no idea how his playmates are hurting and confused but I know they must be. Just love each other and snuggle together. Be gentle with yourself, Melanie.

    I'm sending thoughts and prayers and hugs to you,
    Dewena

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  11. I am so very sorry to hear about your Zippo. He is a beautiful feline and you blessed each other lives through all those years. Sending you a hug.

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  12. I'm just getting this because I subscribe to your blog. I am crying as I know you cried throughout writing this post. Yes, I too suggest having the vet come and not take the pet out of the home. And after Abi "died", with us right by her, he said to let Charlie see and sniff her. I'm so sorry, Melanie. Hopefully, if there is a heaven, Zippo and Abi are together.
    Brenda

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  13. I am so sorry. Beautiful tribute.
    Peggy D

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  14. I'm so sorry, my friend. May your sweet Zippo rest in peace. It's one of the hardest things to do and my heart goes out to you.

    (((hugs)))
    rue

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  15. I haven’t followed in this lane but it came up om my iPad a minute ago so I opened it up.
    Although quite sad for you as you write of Zippo’s final moments.
    I felt it most sacred to be here as witness of his passing.
    I am sad for you . . . I keep thinking of our Snickers, 13 1/2 years,
    and wonder how I can possibly be in the place you are.
    I have not ever known another love like hers.
    Caring about you Melanie.

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  16. Oh, Melanie- I am bawling like a baby reading this. Our last kitty went so quickly. Took her in for a check up because she had been spitting up and she had a large tumor at the base of her esophagus that there was no 'fix' for. The vet said she would be in terrible pain after a week or so but it was our call. Our call was to spare her the pain that awaited her and I came home with an empty carrier which was never what I was expecting. It is so so hard to lose a pet-they are like a family member. I am so sorry for you- xo Diana

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  17. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Zippo sounds like such a wonderful cat and you have such great memories of him being a part of your family. I am sure there is a big hole in your heart and he is missed each day. I wish there were words to say that would make it better. Hugs. (crazycatzgal from Instagram)

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  18. Oh Melanie I'm so sorry, of course I'm crying, how could I not? You poor thing, it's so terribly hard to lose a sweet pet, and I know how much you loved Zippo. Thank you for letting me know about the vets that come to the house - my Lily is failing more and more, my poor sweet girl. I know the time will come when I will have to make that terrible awful decision. Sending you prayers and hugs, my friend. xoxo

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