my heart is broken ~ zippo

It pains me to tell you all that my beloved Zippo passed away on Monday night, November 12th. My heart is breaking. I couldn't even write this blog post until now.

He had rapidly gone downhill since my last post, to the point where he was even refusing to eat baby food (chicken and turkey) or his favorites, tuna and pumpkin. He'd either just give a half-hearted lick or turn his head away. His nose also never stopped bleeding. On Monday when he was drinking a ton of water but then losing control of his urine and it was mostly water (which we found out was renal failure), we knew he was at the end and he was suffering.

I wanted Zippo's transition to be as peaceful and comfortable for him as possible, so we laid him on towels and blankets on the floor and I quickly Googled mobile vets who could come to our house to administer euthanasia. Unfortunately, because it was the last minute, no one could come out - they were all booked. A couple also wouldn't travel this far. We were starting to get panicky. We really didn't want to have to bundle him up when he was in so much pain and have to take him out of the house to an emergency vet and be put down in an unfamiliar place if we didn't have to. Finally, one vet called back and said she could be at our house between 8:30 - 9 PM.

Those four hours of waiting for the vet dragged on forever, but me, Brian and Tim spent those four hours lying on the floor with Zippo, petting him over and over and telling him how much we loved him and what a good boy he was, in-between our bouts of sobbing.

Tim later moved Zippo to mine and Brian's bed, thinking he could snuggle with him one last time, but that was fruitless. He was too sick. 

The mobile vet was so kind and compassionate and calm. She explained every step in great detail and always waited until we were ready. She let us take as much time as we wanted in-between every step, always stayed off to the side and never said anything as we cried and petted Zippo more and talked to him. She answered all our questions patiently. She encouraged us to let our other two cats, Monkey and Clementine, come and go as they wished. She said they needed to know what was going on, too. When Clementine jumped up on the bed after Zippo passed, she said to let her sniff Zippo...that cats know. And they mourn, too. 

After the vet gave Zippo the sedative, he ended up throwing up a little bit and there was blood in it. She said that was either from him swallowing so much blood from his bloody nose, or else that he had cancer. When we think about it, this whole Upper Respiratory thing that he had going on could've indeed been nasal or sinus cancer and not just a URI. We'll never know, so I'm only guessing.

I just happened to snag this shot of Zippo in the sunbeam on Tim's box spring this past Saturday, on the day Tim moved out. I thought it was very poignant that this was where Zippo decided to lie down that day.

Back to the mobile vets that administer euthanasia at home: I highly recommend this if you should ever be in this situation. For the pet and for you to be in your home in the pet's favorite, comfortable spot (you can even be in the yard, if you wish) instead of a scary, sterile exam room in the veterinary hospital is worth every penny. I was actually surprised how peaceful the whole process was, though of course, extremely heartbreaking.

We chose to bury Zippo in our back yard instead of having him cremated. Bless Brian's heart...he dug a very deep hole in the bitter cold that night.

(Brian and Zippo when he was a kitten ~ August 1999)

With Zippo being so old for a cat (19-1/2), I knew that my time with him was limited and that I'd be very sad when it was time for him to go, but I never knew how much it would hurt until it happened. I am not a stranger to the grief of pets passing away - it has happened to me numerous times since I was a child - but I have to say that Zippo was probably my favorite pet I've had in my entire life. He was definitely a one-of-a-kind cat; a true companion. He was one of those cats that loved everyone and vice-versa. He was a people cat. A snuggler. Like my aunt said, "He was the family cat."

(Tim and Phil with Zippo ~ Feb 2000)

My heart also breaks for Tim because he was the one who found Zippo (and his two brothers) on our property back in 1999. We kept Zippo and a friend took his two brothers. So Tim always had a special bond with Zippo and even up until the week Zippo got so sick, Tim would lay in his bed watching TV, with Zippo snuggled into the crook of his arm.

(Tim and Zippo ~ August 1999...and I also noticed when I saw this photo, that Tim's artwork was above his bed. He was only 8 years old. No surprise that he ended up majoring in Art and Photography!)

Since Zippo passed away just three days ago, we've already had four signs from...whatever or wherever you want to call it: The Universe, Zippo's spirit, God. I never used to be attuned to signs, but I now believe they're all around us. We just have to be open and aware to them:

• On the night that Brian was burying Zippo in the back yard, Venus was shining brightly in the sky right overhead. Venus was the Goddess of Love.
  (Sorry for the formatting problem on this bullet point - I've given up on trying to fix it.)

• The next morning, Brian was in the bathroom getting ready for work and as he was getting dressed, he had the very real sensation of a cat rubbing against his leg. He said it totally freaked him out. And no, it wasn't Monkey or Clementine. They were sleeping in their beds in the basement.

• Monkey slept in the blue wicker chair in the living room on Wednesday evening. That was the chair that Zippo slept on all the time. Monkey had never, ever slept in that chair - until now.

• This morning, my neighbor across the street texted me to tell me there was a pretty kitty in-between my house and my next door neighbor's house. She said to look out my kitchen window. I did so, and didn't see the cat, so I opened my kitchen door and stepped outside. It was then that I saw this cat that I had never seen here before. And it was standing right by Zippo's grave. I know this photo is blurry, but I had to zoom in to get the photo of the kitty so that I didn't scare it away.

RIP, my beautiful Zippo.

May 7, 1999 ~ November 12, 2018