thank you ~ and honesty about a delicate subject

 I want to thank all of you who left such kind, loving, supportive comments

on my last post in relation to Phil's birthday. It truly touches my heart and gives

me some comfort to know that my friends in Blogland are thinking of me and my family.

 

 And I want to tell you this: I was honest with saying how Phil passed away. 

That it was drugs (alcohol played a part, too) that killed him. I am not ashamed to admit

 that. There is no need to pussyfoot around it. Like my mom said, she used to think

that those who used drugs were derelicts out on the streets. Obviously, nothing

could be further from the truth. Drug addicts and alcoholics come from all walks

of life. Not only do I know this personally from my own family, from friend's children,

 and from those I've met in support groups, but I've done a lot of  research on this

 subject, too. I can't speak for the area you live in, but here in the Chicago suburbs,

 heroin is an epidemic among young people. It is cheaper to buy than beer, easy to get, 

and these young people do not realize that it is a killer. Or, they hear about that, but

 have the mindset that "it would never happen to me." I don't know where to begin
 to educate people about this epidemic or to even help anyone. For right now, I can
 talk about it on my blog.

We were a "normal" family in the suburbs ~ mom, dad, two kids, pets. Brian 

and I have a good marriage, a strong foundation. We do not smoke, do drugs, or

 drink (OK, the occasional glass of wine for me and the twice-a-year beer for Brian.)

 We love our children with all our hearts and were very involved in their lives. 

The boys were in soccer, Scouts, art club, science fairs, Sunday School. I did tons

 of volunteer work in the schools and was a "room mom". We have loving, supportive

 family members on both sides of the family. In other words: typical "white bread" 

suburban family. Except for the white picket fence.

Moral of the story: drugs and alcohol can happen to anyone. Any family.

It is not a "derelict-on-the-streets" problem. No one should be walking around

with the mindset of, "That would never happen to my child." Or, "My child would

never do that." So then, what can be done to prevent this horror and possible

tragedy? I honestly don't have a pat answer for that. Education helps. That's

why my story on this blog, for starters. Be involved in your child's (or ANY

child close to you) life. Know what is going on with them and who they're

with. Talk to them and their friends. If a child is having any kind of problems,

get them help. Do not hesitate with that.

We knew when Phil was around 15, that he was depressed. From then on,

we went through the gamut of counselors, psychiatrists, outpatient programs,

antidepressants, even hospitalization at one point. We never, ever gave up

on Phil and constantly encouraged him. However, when he turned 18, he 

decided that he wasn't going to take medication anymore (didn't like the way it

made him feel) and he was done with doctors, counselors, or any kind of

groups. We couldn't force him to go since he was 18. All we could do was

constantly encourage him and be loving and supportive. We talked to him

all the time. I told him I'd even go to AA or NA meetings with him and he

refused. He thought he could handle things himself. I need to point this part

out though ~ we had no idea that Phil was into hard drugs near the end. That

he was snorting heroin. And he lived at home! Don't scoff. We are not naive.

We knew he drank and we knew he smoked marijuana. But we never noticed a

behavioral difference with the heroin. He still managed to hold down a full-time

job, own a car, and pay us rent. Drug users are very deceitful. There was never

any evidence of heroin in his bedroom. Of course, the scary thing about having

older kids is that you sometimes have no idea what they're really doing when

they're out with their friends. We didn't find out a lot of stuff until after Phil passed away.

As you can probably imagine, I could write a book about all this.

Maybe someday I will actually start a separate blog. But, for now, this is it.

My hope and prayer for all of you is that 1) this little bit of information will

open your eyes to the reality of drugs and 2) that you never personally experience

this horror with any of your own children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews, or 

any child that is part of your life. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless you all.