Monday, February 14, 2022

big love

Thank you all so much for your kind and comforting comments on my last post about Monkey. We had a vet from a mobile hospice and euthanasia business come to our house last Tuesday afternoon to help Monkey transition. We experienced this with Zippo in 2018, so we knew what to expect. But this time was a little different. It was more traumatic. I also did not like this vet compared to the one we had with Zippo. She didn't take her time with each step, never asking if we were ready. I know I should've spoken up, but when you're in the thick of things and entrenched in grief, numbness takes over.

Brian and I, of course, spent all the time we could with Monkey last Tuesday, laying on the bed with him while talking to and petting him.

Notice how his eyes were fully dilated? We had noticed that the day before. I looked it up and one of the possibilities was that he was in pain. The vet said it probably meant the cancer had gone to his brain and was pressing on his optic nerve. We are glad he's not suffering anymore but we miss our Monkey boy incredibly much. We are having a harder time with his death than we did with Zippo...we think because Monkey's illness and death came on so suddenly.

Dear friends of ours sent us a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and a beautiful card.

In the meantime, to add insult to injury, Miss Clementine is now having major dental problems. I noticed a few days ago when she yawned, that her upper left fang was missing! I took her to our regular vet who referred me to a vet dentist. We saw her this morning and Clementine will need surgery to remove the remainder of the fang that's still up in the gums. When she's under anesthesia and doing x-rays, they will be able to tell if she needs more dental work and/or more teeth pulled, which is a good possibility. And which makes the bill go higher.

She had blood tests today that will tell us if she's healthy enough to even undergo anesthesia. With her having kidney disease for over four years now, there's a possibility that this dental work might be too much for her.

I hope you all understand when I say that once Clementine crosses the Rainbow Bridge, we are done with pets. At least for the foreseeable future. We've had pets our entire marriage - almost 38 years. We've had six cats, a rabbit, two hamsters, a parakeet, two pairs of rats at different times, goldfish and beta fish, and an African dwarf frog. 

The last few years have been especially challenging with our cats. Worrying about their health issues, the stress of many vet visits, not being able to take a vacation or even go away for a weekend due to either lack of a pet sitter or medical needs with Clementine (she gets subcutaneous fluids at home every other day), the time involved with their care, the cost of their vet care and special food, and most of all, the heartbreak of having to let them go is more than what we can deal with anymore.

Sending love to all of you, especially on this Valentine's Day. Thank you again for all of your compassionate comments and emails. I hope to be back soon to show you all some updated decor in my home.



  1. First time to your blog but have to tell you I'm so very sorry for the loss of your baby. They are beautiful kitties. Letting our fur babies go from us is such a difficult time. Peace.

  2. So sorry for the loss of your little furry friend, Monkey. I hope that Clementine comes through her dental work OK. I completely understand taking a break from pets. That is what we did after we had to help our last cat (Mr. Kitty) cross the rainbow bridge. It was so hard. We have had lots of pets too over the years - mostly cats, but also a rabbit and my oldest son had lots of reptiles, including snakes, lizards and the like. We are fine with being "pet free" right now. You are right, traveling is much easier without having to worry about taking care of the critters. We may get another kitty one day, but not soon. My thoughts and prayers were with you on the day Monkey left you. Prayers continue for your comfort and healing.

  3. Melanie, I've thought about you so much the past few days and knew that it must be incredibly hard for your Monkey to be gone. Nothing really helps, not for a long long time. The card you took a picture of is so apt: Big loss comes from big love. That explains it all.
    While we are so very glad we adopted James Mason and BreeBree after losing Milo and Otis so close together, and we chose seniors on purpose, there won't be any more dachshunds if we lose these two. Mostly, I worry about what will happen to these two if something happens to us but it's also that it just hurts so terribly to lose them and after a lifetime of going through that I think we've reached our limit of facing it.
    I'll keep Clementine in my prayers. Surely she has been missing Monkey too. Love to her and you.

  4. I'm so sorry that this time with a vet wasn't more soothing. Not that you can really be soothed when you're losing your beloved pet. I was more pleased with the woman vet who helped Charlie cross than the one with Abi. Abi screamed and I can still hear that in my head. I think he maybe didn't give her a sedative or something. So I know just what you mean about the difference in experiences. We want the best for our pets, living or dying.

  5. I'm so sorry, Melanie, been thinking about you...sending hugs my friend. xxoo

  6. You've given me something to think about, having a vet come to the house, (although I am sorry this experience wasn't as positive). Our Lilly is getting up there in years, and if given the opportunity, I would like to do the same. I understand how you wouldn't want more pets. I feel the same way. It does tie you down, although we have my nephew come and pet sit, I still feel bad leaving Lil for long periods of time. She's so dependent on us for companionship. And, it so hard letting our pets go, I don't think I could take saying goodbye to another one. Sending good thoughts to you and Brian and Clementine.

  7. I'm really saddened by your loss - that Monkey was such a cutie pie. Knowing he's out of pain now, though you are still bearing heavy grief and will for some time, will eventually give you time to recall all the happy years he shared with you both.
    Thinking of you and understand your plans for perhaps no future pets, that all sounds sensible . . . . however you can always change your mind! Hope things improve for Miss Clementine.
    Hugs and thoughts coming your way dear Melanie & Brian.

  8. I have kept the last 2 emails of your blog in my in box. They break my heart because every word you wrote applied to me when I had to euthanize my 14+ year old cat last fall. He had had cancer for several years. He lasted longer than the original prognosis of 2-4 years. I think I believed he was invincible even with cancer. My cats are my only family except for a few cousins who live out of state. His chemo was changed, his lab tests improved. Then his lymphoma developed into acute leukemia & he faded very fast. As one friend of mine called losing a pet: it's excruciating. I cried all day for days. I do have 2 other pets, thank goodness. I sincerely hope Clementine does well with her struggles now; she must miss her baby a lot. Many blessings to you all.

  9. I'm so sorry and understand how much you miss your sweet Monkey. It's been 16 months and I still miss Shiloh every day. I do understand what you say about no more pets. As much as I miss having a dog, we probably won't have another. We do have cats but until Shiloh died, all four were outside cats (with access to our laundry room). Our son made the oldest (probably 16 years old) and indoor cat at his house and another spends a lot of time inside ours now. Still, it will be easier to leave them for vacations than an indoor dog was.


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