Saturday, July 21, 2018

because you were




Today would be Phil's 30th birthday. Thirty! I wanted to do something special for his milestone birthday to honor him, but I wasn't sure what to do. 

A few weeks ago, my First Best Friend, Cin reached out to me and offered to write a poem about and for Phil. She didn't know that his 30th birthday was coming up. Perfect timing! Definitely meant to be. Cin is a professional, award winning poet who writes poetry to honor a special event (poemgrown). Cin emailed us some very thought-provoking questions, plus asked for a few pictures of Phil. After some back and forth and a few revisions, here's the magic that Cin came up with. We couldn't have asked for a more perfect gift to honor Phil's 30th birthday. 

Because You Were….
for Philip Thomas Riley
First child, first grandchild, 
first knowing that love unconditionally
could crack us open in a single breath 
and change everything.
30 years ago I pushed and gasped until
out of me, you. Strong-will-shy-smile-loyal-
and-articulate-hearted you. Our sweet boy
who birthed belly laughs from every friend.
Child who held both strength and kindness 
with ease, like your Dad.
Child of music and reading, like your Mom.
You made us parents. You made us a family.
When you left, our hearts cracked open
and never closed.
But now we know that is how 
the light gets in to show us our next step.

The path we walk is forever changed.
Wider, kinder, more compassionate,
inspired by your gentle soul and spirit.
A path of self-care and consciousness.

Here is what we want to tell you, Phil: 
We miss you. And we miss you every day.
Today we celebrate all you were in the world
and all we are because we love you.

You live deep inside us, always. 
Making us parents, making us a family, 
still.

Written by cin salach in collaboration with Melanie and Brian
on the occasion of deep love and Philip’s 30th birthday, July 21, 2018

21 comments:

  1. Oh, Mel. I'm crying. You, Brian, and Timothy are so very strong, and your strength together is so binding as you remember your time with Phil. You know my sister went through something so much like you did. I admire her, she is so much like you. She kept moving, but always looked over her shoulder at her first baby with love and affection.

    Sending love on this special day.

    Jane xxxxxxx

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  2. It makes my heart hurt just to read this. There is always an empty space in your heart for someone that has gone before you-it is like someone took a small piece of their heart with them and it will never be whole until you are reunited in the hereafter. God bless you today and always- xo Diana

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  3. Oh my... such a special tribute. Hugs to you as you honor your son on his 30th!

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  4. Beautiful. I often think of your family as mine walks through this hell that is addiction.
    Thank-you for sharing such a deeply personal gift. Thank-you for not hiding the addiction that took your beautiful Phil.

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  5. That is so beautiful. I truly have tears reading it. I can only imagine your pain and the love and loss of your son. Sending much love and big hugs to you today. This poem is such a gift.

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  6. That is lovely - and a perfect tribute to Phil on this big birthday. Love and hugs to you, my friend.

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  7. What a beautiful poem and gift to all of you remembering your sweet Phil in such a beautiful way. Melanie I have not known you long enough to know you lost your first born. I am so sorry. It is just not right in the world when our children leave before us. Seems so unnatural. You are a strong and so loving to remember your sweet Phil that would have reached his milestone birthday of 30 if he were still here on this earth. Nice tribute to him. Hugs my friend.
    xoxo
    Kris

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  8. What a beautiful tribute, such a special way to honor Phil. Wishing you peace and love to see you though the days when you feel his absence most.

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  9. This is a wonderful tribute to your son.
    Brenda

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  10. Melanie, this is a beautiful poem to celebrate Phil's 30th birthday. My heart breaks for you and Brian. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug but I feel honored to read this poem and learn more about Phil through its lines.

    Sending love to you today,
    Dewena

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  11. What a beautiful poem and tribute to your lost boy. I'm sure he knows he is missed and will be loved
    forever.
    Holding thoughts of you close today.

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  12. Sending you a huge hug. Love you, my friend.

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  13. Oh...the poem is so lovely and touching. My heart hurts with how much you must miss your lovely boy...xoxo

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  14. Melanie, my heart hurts for you and your family . . . the poem is lovely and a sweet way to celebrate his life.

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  15. Oh. God be with you. What a lovely poem.

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  16. What a beautiful poem and tribute to Phil. Having lost my child I can relate to your loss and heartache. But he is the light that will meet you again one day. Memories are our connection.

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  17. Melanie, what a gift this poem is! What a gift Philip was to you and Brian! My heart hurts for you. What a beautiful boy he must have been, to have shown you so much love in your life. Hugs to you, my friend.

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  18. My thoughts and my heart are with you as I read this post about a young man I never knew yet recognize all too well. He is similar to my daughter -- no longer here on earth physically yet a constant presence in our thoughts and a constant vibration in our every cell. You, your husband, and Timothy honor Phil every day through your courage in continuing to live meaningful, fulfilling, giving lives. Your friend gave you two wonderful gifts, a beautiful poem and also her desire to simply be a part of the journey with you. Thank you for sharing her gifts, and for sharing your thoughts and feelings about Phil.

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  19. Thinking of you all belatedly. This is a beautiful poem. I have to tell you that from everything I see here, you are doing a terrific job keeping Phil's memory alive and making sure he is still a part of your family's life. I know I've already mentioned to you that I live sort on the other end of this, as the wife of the younger brother who lost his sibling. His family does not do what you are doing, instead choosing to live in denial and deep anger and hostility about the loss of their son. You are acting in a courageous and loving way and I admire you for it. I just wanted to say that. I probably shouldn't discuss it so openly in a comment, but I had to get it out. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm always here. Thanks for sharing your son with us, he was a beautiful person.

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Thank you for taking the time to leave a kind comment - I read and appreciate each one!