when life plain ol' stinks

This new year has not started out well. Monkey has had breathing issues for two-three months. We noticed back in October or November that he sounded stuffed up and would sometimes mouth breathe. We took him to our regular veterinary practice and they thought perhaps Monkey had a nasal polyp. They did a basic X-ray of his head down to his chest and didn't see anything. He was put on antibiotics which didn't do any good. In fact, he seemed worse. I took him back to the vet. Again, they couldn't find anything...his lungs were clear, his heart sounded good. The vet suggested because Monkey was born with viral herpes which sometimes affected his eyes, that the inflammation perhaps caused a polyp in his sinuses. They gave Monkey a shot of Depo Medrol for inflammation, which did help a bit. We were then referred to an internal medicine vet.

Unfortunately, the internal medicine vets at the specialty animal hospital were all booked until this past Monday. That's when Monkey saw Dr M. Monkey went through many procedures and tests, including a CT scan in which he had to be put under general anesthesia. We weren't worried at first. We just figured they'd find the polyp, possibly remove it, and that Monkey would recover well at home.

 We were shocked when the vet called us (we were not allowed in the building the entire time due to Covid...we had to sit in the car and wait) and said the scan showed that Monkey had a large mass in his nasal cavity. They did a biopsy and shipped it to Cornell University. As a side note, the wonderful vet tech that took care of Monkey said he was one of the sweetest and gentlest cats that she's ever taken care of and that if all her kitty patients were like him, it'd make her job a lot easier. That's my sweetums! 

The minute Dr M said they found this large mass, I knew it was cancer. I came home and looked up information about nasal masses in cats, and found they are usually lymphoma or carcinoma. They only make up 1% of tumors in cats.

I got the news from Dr M today confirming my fears. Monkey's mass is lymphoma. 

My days since bringing Monkey home from the hospital on Monday night have been a blur of heartbreak, worry, sadness and pouring out extra love and attention to Monks. He's been very needy, wanting to rest and sleep on me a lot. I am putting everything else on the back burner for right now and obliging him. We never expected our 11-year old cat who had been in perfect health up until now, to cross the Rainbow Bridge before Clementine, his mother, who has had Chronic Kidney Disease and a chronic skin condition for over four years.

Cats can have radiation for nasal lymphoma, but we have declined that treatment. The treatments would be every day for three weeks. And the cat has to undergo general anesthesia for the treatment every time to prevent movement. Can you imagine?! There is no way I'm putting him through that. I also read on a veterinary site (Iowa State University, Lloyd Veterinary Medical Center) that the side effects can be significant due to the long course and site of the radiation. Changes to the skin, eyes, and inside of the nose and mouth are typical side effects. And if the eyes are in the field of radiation, cataracts or corneal ulceration are possible. After all this, the average lifespan of the cat is only six - twelve months. Some oncologists also recommend chemotherapy on top of the radiation. Not happening. Dr M said he totally understood.

Monkey is now on Prednisolone which relieves the inflammation of the mass and keeps him comfortable. All we can do is take one day at a time until we know it's time to let him go. It will be sooner rather than later though. Cats don't live long with this type of cancer. It could be a week, a month, we just don't know. He's still eating all his meals and using the litter box and walking around the house. If he shows any signs of worsening breathing or stops eating or can't use the litter box, we will not let him suffer any longer. We will be using an in-home euthanasia veterinary service, just like we did with Zippo a few years ago.

{Monkey in his favorite spot ~ his nest ~ this morning}

I know that self-care is important, especially when going through an extra hard time. And since today was 39 degrees which felt like a heat wave compared to the single digit temps we'd had lately, I knew I had to get outside to get fresh air and exercise. I've felt so sluggish and tired these past few days. It was sunny when I first started walking but then the clouds moved in. The view at the lake is truly bleak this time of year. Matched my mood.

But you know what? The fresh air and exercise felt great. It was just what I needed ~ physically and emotionally.

I know there are those with far worse problems right now. I am not comparing my heartbreak to what anyone else is going through. I've been through far worse...with the worst thing of all being the death of my oldest son in 2009. Nothing ~ absolutely NOTHING ~ could or can compare to that pain and loss. 

I am only speaking of what I'm going through in the here and now. If you're an animal lover like me ~ and I know a lot of my blogger friends are ~ I know you'll understand this post. 

Dang, it really hurts.